Out of control

Subject : Anger.

Anger, it's a permanent fight between your mind and your body. You feel like you are being squeezed and you can't scream your ache. You want to relieve your senses to get them back. You want to turn the pages back to change the story. You want to get out of it when it is in you. You want to hide when you desperately want them to understand. Can you fight the blood that is burning in you? If you win this battle you gain the combat of you life; because you control YOU. The hardest thing to do is to control yourself; knowing that your senses are being compress in a hysterical way. Hysteric oh…a word that kills me because I am OUT of me. I can see that I am not myself but I can't find me; my lack of control has taken my soul. Anger, rage, is the worse sign of weakness, someone or something has taken control of YOU, and this is You're MIND. You are being fooled by your mind; fooling yourself, a nice way to lie. You eyes are open but you don’t want to see the truth, you seek blindness; your body is rigid and firm but you blood is flooding like a torrent. Your silent but your dead body is shouting. Anger, what a pitiful situation you put yourself into, Anger what a disgraceful way of sharing feelings, Anger is the best glory a human being can have the honor to fight.

Home Sweet Home

Subject : Lost In Him

I am here listening to music; thinking about you. Each word this song is whispering is reminding me of you. Every sound and lyrics is you in my mind.
Sometime I wonder how you can control my mind when I can control the world around me, what I can say except that you have a power on me. Why the fuck can't you read me? When I look at you, I look at the person who makes me feel so weak in a way that I can't explain. That's the point I guess. These feelings are killing me in sort that is making me alive. The more I'm dying for your eyes the more I am feeling alive.

A lovely paradox called attraction. You are my bitter lover, you are
my sweetest breakdown, and you are my fatal hope. That is who you are but I am confused about who I am. I am just this girl who smiles and laughs at your jokes even when they are nonsense. In little word I am not me when your smell is in the region. This perfume full of invisible ecstasy that catches my breath so hard that I can't feel my body no more. I wish you could read the curves of my body, they are talking to you but you are blinded by my words. Why the fuck can’t you read me. I am telling you my arms are waiting for yours and my lips are starving.

Baby would you please take care of me? Would you hold me for a lifetime? I don't know what's going on, I lost myself the day I met you.
..........if you want to search for me ...search in you.........

This lovely Night

Subject : Feelings ?

You drive me mad I don't know why; you drive me mad please don't be shy
I m sorry to tell you this but I'm crazy about you...I just like the way you make me feel when you are next to me; I just like you the way you are. This way is so unique that I forget myself when you are around. The way you look at me kills me gently that I would like to scream ''don't stop''; your lips are so soft that I would like to fall in love with each word that comes out; what can I say? I wish you could read the curves of my body instead of believing the words that I say. I will not talk about angels or heaven for me nothing is meaningful but only talking about YOU. You are the reason I lose control, you are the reason I feel what I feel.

The question is what do I feel? The answer I wish I could feel you for real. I dream of you and you're not better in my dream but you are mine at least. The morning is back; I hated when I come back to the realities of my life. You're far but you're so close to my heart. One day I'll show you what it feels to love truly; you gave me this and for that I own you much more. Baby you're not my angel but I will always be your guardian; my eyes will always stare at you because nature gave them to me to starve you ; it's killing me but it's the best punishment any soul could feel. In few words it's like I could feel your skin without touching you; dance with your perfect body without music. Tonight I wish I could scream with the sound of silence, the sound of love.

F*** it ..

Subject : Just Feel It

Sometimes I feel like slapping you because I can’t fucking tell you how much you’re hurting me. I am fucking in love with you and I fuck someone else. I just love your way baby, I just love you way baby. Take me darling, take me away from here so we can enjoy our moments together, where no one else would interfere, because baby believe it or not you always interfere in my heart, my days, my nights. Baby you always cross my mind, why the hell are you just fucking me without even touching me. Distance won’t change my desire my love, distance is just something that won’t affect the way I feel about you.

In fact what you ignore is that I am starving. Yes baby I feel like biting every single part of your sexy body. My love, I just like to close my eyes so I could dream of us, we are so good together, and it is so smooth darling. Yes smooth. Sometimes I feel I am bursting because I can’t fucking tell you how much I love you. I am fucking in love with you and I fuck someone else. I fool around; I’ve played around, but trust me baby I’ve never mentioned love to anyone. You were always the one I thought of before sleeping; you were always the one honey. It’s hard to believe right? I know my love that it’s hard. But it’s harder for me to have your face stuck between my heart, my brain, and my dreams. How can I get you out of my life when you actually are my life?

Just take me sweetheart, don’t be shy; kiss me like you’ll never see me again, like it will be the last time our skins dance together, like our eyes will in never meet again, just kiss me like a man who is dying for my soft lips. Just do it. I
like it when you do it; I like to see that you want me baby. You know I want you so just take me. Take my clothes off and touch me. Lay a hand on every inch of me. Don’t forget to pass by my heart, do you feel the beat? Do you? That’s nothing compared to the rate at which I think of you. I picture us everyday.

I wish I could wake up every morning and see you next to me, I‘ll take care of you baby like no one else. Sometimes I feel like killing myself because I can’t fucking share any soft moment with you. I am fucking in love with you and I fuck someone else. Forgive me baby for giving up on us; I hope my true love will pardon my vicious acts. If it makes you feel better, I’ll let you know that you’re fucking me every single fucking hour for the simple fact that all my thoughts are about you, you and only you.

I need a smoke. You’ve lightened my emotions, now please can you shut me down?

Hope and Wait

Subjet : A fact of Life

Sitting and thinking '' why the hell do I feel like writing''... why the hell I am so confused about my thought, my objectives, my life. Why do I always want to understand the absurdity of my thought and feeling?

Am I lost in transaction? Am I lost in a road where no map would guide me? Why suddenly I feel like being alone in my room with some gloomy music? I know why: It's a mood; it's a moment where I try to reevaluate myself. What's the '' I '' in me? What's this thing that keeps my hand moving and moving to write these words on this sheet?

I am just indifferent. Should I be indifferent regarding my indifference? Should someone come and slap me so I could realize at least something that would make a difference in my fierce actions. I don't know if I want to be awaked, I don't know if I am ready to turn the page of this chapter of my short life. A story that will never be written because people will think it's a fiction, because publishing would be such a scandal to this pathetic public that we call ''society''. What is right or wrong? Black or white? It's these stubborn Ideas that will never be forgotten because they are meant to be this way. It's not nature that decide that green is green but it is what we call civilization; the slowest evolution that god created. The only nasty creation that Lucifer created was the desire of power. Power of being in power is the weakest point of humans.

The existence of these reflections in my head needs to blow. Blow my conscience; blow my ''I'' in the eyes of ''them''; I am just mad at life, mad because I am not immortal ; mad because I can't stop time, mad because I can't go back or see the future , mad because I don't know if I am living my present profoundly. I wish I could control time like I control my watch, I wish that I could control others even though I can’t control myself ; I wish I could have this magic thing that would put all my feeling and idea in this sheet. I wish too many things but maybe this is why the word HOPE exists. If we tend to live is because we hope of something; expectation is the motor of our days. Why do we expect when we never know what will happen next. That's the whole point of HOPING: Keep walking towards our dreams wishing desperately that they can be achievable.

Worries that our greatest hopes will never be completed are our daily troubles. Do you realize that all you do in life is WAITING? And if you enjoy some moment in your life your next worry would be that these little moments would only become memories. Time is our supreme constraint.
I have to admit that right now it's my body that is tired of thinking to much; it's my mind that wants to rest my body. I'm not hurt, I am not in pain; I m just indifferent about ''Them and I ''or at least I HOPE that I am but the question is what's coming up next?

Again I will wait, hope, and have no choice but to be submitted to my timing.